I was reminded of the sometimes-negative impact of choosing to live more authentically recently while on Instagram (as you may know, I love posting stories on IG! I follow Jas Kaur, a fab Punjabi fitness trainer from Australia, who has been talking very openly on IG about her journey to be more authentic. And, in doing so, she’s been receiving a range of negative backlash from her online community and from some people in her personal life. She’s also been very open about this negativity and how she’s overcoming it, which is so refreshing. I’m inspired by her authenticity!

As you can see, when you decide to start living more authentically, some may hate on your decision to better know, embrace and be who you are. Even though you’re making these behavioral shifts to live better and to be happier, some may have an adverse reaction to your life changes. The unfortunate part is that this may cause you to question your choice to be more of who you are. 

Why Do People Hate on Our Authenticity?

There are two main reasons why people may have a hard time when you start to be more authentic. 

First, when you start to reveal more of who you are in your interactions, it’ll be a wake-up call for others if they’re not already living this way. They will feel your increased vulnerability and openheartedness, and they’ll be reminded that they want to live more authentically. But, due to fear, they’re holding back. And so, instead of doing the hard work to be more of who they really are, they push down their own desires and your authenticity. Basically, they want you to stop living this way because you’re reminding them that they’re not choosing to make critical life changes.

On a related note, living more authentically will lead you to feel more liberated, to radiate more confidence, and be happier! And while that’s amazing for you, others may be threatened by your radiance and happiness, rather than feel joy for you.  Instead, their envy or resentment may cause them to want to judge you. Or, perhaps even worse, they hold the mistaken belief that by tearing you down, they’ll feel better about their lives and choices they’ve made. But, as I’ve said before, tearing others down will never bring you true happiness.

You Then Feel Racked With Self-Doubt

When you feel like you’re being judged, it’s natural to doubt your decision to take steps to live more authentically. The negative energy you feel may lead you to question whether your new way of life is right for you. You’ll hear the gremlin – the voice in your head that spews negative self-talk – tell you that the haters are right, that you shouldn’t be courageous and bold in putting yourself out there. 

Ultimately, you may even want to go back to your old ways of conforming and masking who you are, because it feels easier. Which is why this is the time to stand in your power!

Shut Out The Noise!

This is a perfect time to reflect on how conforming and masking your true self led you to be miserable, and why your new way of living is critical for your happiness. You want to remind yourself of why you’ve taken the courageous step to be more vulnerable and authentic. You want a more meaningful and fulfilling life, that is filled with personal growth and genuine human connections.  

You get to decide your happiness through the choices you make, and that this choice will serve you well at the end of the day. So, basically, shut out the noise!

The post How to Overcome Negative Backlash When Living Authentically appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

I hate wearing blazers.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I love to express myself by wearing bright colors and patterns, chunky jewelry, sky-high heels, and more. There’s something about blazers that reminds me so much of the corporate world I left behind in order to become a professional inclusion speaker, which is why I can’t stand wearing them. Blazers don’t make me 100% feel like my Authentic Self.

But you might be thinking, “Wait a minute Ritu, I’ve definitely seen you in a blazer before” — and you’re totally right because I still wear them for work things. I’m good to throw on a bright colored blazer for the corporate environment — it’s easy for me to do and, because it’s a red or electric green, this adaptation helps me to still feel authentic.

What I’ve just shared is a prime example of my Three Selves framework at play. By understanding the significance of embracing my Authentic Self (I hate wearing blazers and don’t want to do this ever), the critical importance of kicking out of my Performing Self (I feel pressure to conform — to wear a typical navy or grey boring corporate blazer), and the effectiveness of choosing to behave as my Adapted Self (in certain situations, I’ll choose to wear a blazer, but it’ll be brightly colored), I’m not only in tune with my needs and desires, but I feel authentic, confident, and empowered.

And you can do this too by learning how to decide when to be authentic versus being adaptive!

But it can often be difficult to decide which self to show up as — your Authentic Self or your Adapted Self. You’ll find yourself in situations where you won’t be able to be your true, 100% Authentic Self may (it happens!), but you may not be sure about whether you should adapt instead because isn’t that conforming?

So the question is: how do I know when to be my Authentic Self versus my Adapted Self? In other words — how do I know when to wear a bright, colorful blazer and how do I know when to ditch the blazer altogether?

In this video, I share a tool that will help you tune into your Three Selves and help you decide whether to be authentic or adaptive in any situation. I’m sure you’ll find that it’ll transform your life!

Watch now!

The post How Do I Know When to Be Authentic and When to Adapt? appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Being authentic can be really hard at times.

As a fierce advocate for authenticity, I frequently talk about the importance of being your Authentic Self as much as possible. But trust me — I know it’s easier said than done!

Through my work and research on authenticity (and life experience), I can tell you that no one can be their Authentic Self 100% of the time. Especially given that we live in communities as human beings. And depending on the specific circumstances, it may not even be in your best interest to be your Authentic Self in certain moments.

For example, maybe you know that it would be better for you to speak in a more animated way while presenting at a work meeting instead of your preferred way of being more soft-spoken. Or maybe you need to pass along difficult feedback to a loved one and you know it’ll be better for you to tone down the language you actually want to use.

This is where your Adapted Self comes in. The Adapted Self is a powerful part of my Three Selves Framework that enables you to behave in a way that serves your needs, as well as the needs of others, while still maintaining aspects of your authenticity. In this video, I dig into what the Adapted Self is and why it’s such an important self for you to understand deeply. Learning about your Adapted Self will help you to increasingly stand in your power and commit to living an authentic life.

Watch now to learn why!

The post What Is the Adapted Self? appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Imagine this scenario:

You’re at the office and your colleagues are yukking it up about the big sports game that everyone but you seems to have watched the night before. You didn’t watch it because (a) you’re not a sports fan and (b) you had a big cultural celebration with your family. Because you’ve never talked about your culture or how much you hate sports with your work colleagues before, but you also don’t want to feel like the odd one (which you already do!), you smile and nod vigorously, and pretend to know what happened at the game. But you feel like crap as you do this.

Or how about this:

You’re getting ready for an interview for your dream job. You’ve been wearing your hair naturally for the past few weeks and loving it. You briefly consider keeping it that way for the interview, but you worry it might not be “professional” enough and that you won’t be taken seriously. In the end you decide to straighten your hair for the interview in the hopes it’ll help you land the job. You feel frustrated that you have to this, but you do it anyway.

If you can relate to either one of these scenarios, you’re showing up as what I call your Performing Self. By “performing” I mean that life is a stage and you’re an actor on the stage, putting out a curated image of yourself. To put it simply, performing means that you’re changing who you are and masking your Authentic Self to gain social acceptance even though you don’t want to do this — and it feels awful to do!

I know firsthand how difficult it can be to perform all day long, day after day (as I laid out in my book, The Authenticity Principle). I struggled with being authentic for years because I was deflecting bias by putting out a curated image of myself and performing. It can feel disempowering and exhausting to constantly change how you dress, behave, speak, and more in order to “fit in”, or to shield against judgment or bias. So what can you do?

In this video, I share exactly how to push out of your Performing Self so that you can live your best, authentic life.

Watch now!

The post What is Your Performing Self? appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

If you knew no one would judge you, how would you dress? If there were no negative consequences, how would you behave? Who would you be if you knew you wouldn’t experience shame or rejection?

Would you get that tattoo you’ve always wanted to get?

Would you share your sexual orientation more openly?

Would you explore a new faith?

Would you pursue your dream career?

This person — the person you would be if there were no negative consequences or judgments for your actions — is your Authentic Self.

We’ve all heard about the importance of authenticity, and if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll have heard me talk about how empowering it is to live as your truest, most Authentic Self.

But I’d also be the first to tell you that it can be so hard to be authentic when we’re surrounded by the pressure to conform. I’m sure you’ve felt this before — feeling like you have to mask who you really are in order to “fit in”. I know I have.

So what does it take to be your Authentic Self? In this video, I share an introduction to what your Authentic Self really is and how to connect with this part of yourself. (I also have loads of other authenticity tools which you can check out here.

Uncovering your Authentic Self requires a lot of hard work, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But believe me when I say it’s worth it!

Watch now!

The post What Does It Mean to be Your Authentic Self? appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

To say that the last two years have been an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. With the racial injustice crisis, the global pandemic, and for me personally, my Mama’s journey with Alzheimer’s — I’ve been crying a LOT. I cry when I’m sad, happy, frustrated, angry — you name it.

But even though I’m a big advocate for crying, I know that there’s still massive stigma attached to doing so, which is so problematic! It takes an incredible amount of courage to be open and authentic with how you’re feeling and share this with others.

In this video, I talk about why there continues to be stigma about crying (hint hint: sexism and racism have a lot to do with it!), why crying is actually good for you, and how I embrace this important release of emotions.

Watch now!

The post Stigma About Crying is Rooted in Sexism & Racism — Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Feel Bad About Crying appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Many of us feel caught between the mixed messaging of “be yourself” in one breath and “change who you are” in the next breath. I struggled with this myself for years, and overcoming this challenge is what ultimately led me to write my book. While writing it, I developed a practical model called The Three Selves, that will help you to both navigate mixed messaging and to live more authentically even when it’s hard.

It’s an awesome tool to leverage, and I’m excited to tell you more about it!

Magic Happens When You Use The Three Selves

The Three Selves is a continuum that provides a more nuanced way of understanding authentic behavior. It shows that, rather than being either “authentic” or “inauthentic,” each of us possesses the following three selves: the Authentic Self, the Adapted Self, and the Performing Self.

Your Authentic Self

The Authentic Self is an expression of your core values, beliefs, needs, desires, thoughts, emotions, and traits — and how you would behave if you didn’t fear the consequences of your behavior. This is the truest reflection of who you are and, given this, being your Authentic Self feels amazing.

Think back to a time when you felt like you could really be yourself. Liberating, right? I feel like this when I’m having a deeply meaningful conversation with someone who I know isn’t judging me for what I’m sharing. When I’m putting the truth of who I am out into the world this way, I feel weightless.

Your Performing Self

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the Performing Self. This is who you are when you feel like you don’t have a choice but to conform or mask aspects of your true self. It’s the carefully constructed persona that you project to protect against what you fear will happen by being yourself.

I’m sure each one of us can think of a time when we’ve felt pushed to perform. This might mean changing the way you speak — for example, toning down your accent so that you’ll be taken more seriously. Or it could mean straightening your hair because you’ve been told your natural hair looks unprofessional. Or it could mean hiding your sexual orientation or desires from others — maybe even your own romantic partners — because you fear judgment. In any case, when you’re performing, it feels awful.

Your Adapted Self

Between these two ways of being lies the Adapted Self. This is the self that most of us have never contemplated, but that has the power to change our lives, and our perceptions of ourselves.

The Adapted Self is who you are when you make a choice to change an aspect of your behavior, in order to meet your own needs or others’ needs. When you adapt, you’re not driven by fear — you’re driven by an authentic desire to change your behavior. Because you’re making a choice willingly, it feels good to do.

Adapting can mean softening how you speak to a frustrating colleague because you don’t want to upset them. It can mean supporting your spouse in a hobby that bores you to tears because you know it’s meaningful to them. Or it can mean staying in a job you don’t love, but that pays well and has regular hours because you need stability to support your family. The Adapted Self still contains aspects of the Authentic Self, and because of this, it’s an empowering place to be.

Using the Three Selves to Live More Authentically

Recognizing who your Authentic Self is, where you struggle with Performing, and where you might be able to call on your Adapted Self, can have a great impact on your happiness. It can help you understand the choices you’re making, and guide you in making decisions that will better serve you.

Essentially, using The Three Selves will help you to live better. And you deserve that.

The post Want to Live More Authentically? You Must Use This Transformative Tool! appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know that I’m a huge advocate for living authentically. But I didn’t always feel like the empowered, fiercely authentic person I am now!

Before authenticity transformed the way I live, I often felt like I was performing — like an actor on a stage — in so many areas of my life, including my relationships, my work, how I spoke, what I talked about, and even how I dressed. I knew that I wasn’t living authentically but I didn’t know how to reveal my Authentic Self!

All of the decisions we make to reveal our authenticity — or to perform — are directly connected to what I call the Seven Behavioral Dimensions, a range of areas in which we make both conscious and unconscious decisions on how we behave. From how we choose to wear our hair to what we share on social media to the words we choose to use when we express ourselves, all of our behaviors fall into these seven dimensions.

It can be difficult to know where to start in your authenticity journey — especially if you’ve been your Performing Self for a long time — but by reflecting on each of the Seven Behavioral Dimensions and which behavioral dimensions are the most important for you when it comes to authenticity, you’ll begin to have a better understanding of your Authentic Self.

In this video, I explain what the Seven Behavioral Dimensions are and how exploring them can help you become your best, most authentic self.

Watch now!

The post Uncover Your Authentic Self With the Seven Behavioral Dimensions appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

One aspect of my Authentic Self that I’ve truly embraced over the years — and especially during COVID — is that I cuss like a pirate. It helps me release stress, express how I’m feeling, and so much more.

Recently, I was leading a session with a client (as a professional webinar-er), and the topic of swearing popped up. In my true authentic fashion, I mentioned that I like to cuss like a pirate in many areas of my life. Upon saying this, one of the session attendees messaged me privately and said that using profanity would undermine my credibility. Sigh.

This reminded me of the negative meaning and judgment society attaches to swearing. We’re often told, especially as women, that cussing is rude, unnecessary, immature, and more — when in reality, it’s proven to be good for you as a way to release stress and tension!

In this video, I talk about the myriad reasons why swearing is actually good for you and why, if you cuss like a pirate like I do, you should say F that noise and embrace this part of yourself!

Watch now!

The post So What If I Cuss Like a Pirate? Swearing is Good for You! appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Lately I’ve been sharing more and more about my Mama’s journey with Alzheimer’s and how heartbreaking and difficult this experience has been for myself, for my family, and for my Mama.

Throughout this journey, I’ve experienced many ups and downs, and recently in the midst of a particularly hard moment, I decided that I wanted to raise more awareness about this terminal disease. Since I’ve started sharing, so many people have reached out to share their own experiences with loved ones, and one question that I received really resonated with me. It was from a person who just learned that their father has Alzheimer’s, and they wrote to me: I’m so scared. Do you have any advice for me?

After giving my answer a lot of thought, I decided to record this video. In it I share some of the things I’ve been doing to support Mama Bhasin on her journey and some reflections on my own experiences navigating the difficult emotions and grief that come with this journey.

I hope that these tips are helpful in providing some small guidance, support, and peace for any of you who are also on a journey through Alzheimer’s. And I hope you know that you are not alone, and I’m sending you so much light and love.

The post How to Support a Family Member on Their Journey with Alzheimer’s appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.