My Theory of How We Experience Heartache—and How to Avoid it


As someone who has had her heart broken more than most (I know, I know, hard to believe!), and who has spent a lot of time solo, I have a theory about what happens to us when we’re single. I call it the “Bookend Theory of Heartache,” and it goes like this:

When we’re in a relationship that’s about to end, that’s when heartache begins. We know the relationship isn’t serving us, or something about it is not working, and it’s a painful time. When the relationship officially ends. We mourn for a relationship that we wanted to work out, and often we feel bad about ourselves. Mostly, we feel a lot of heartache.

After a while though, things start to shift. We start to spend more time on ourselves. We start to spend more time with our friends. Pretty soon, we’re having a lot of fun. We feel free and unencumbered, and we do what we want when we want. The heartache finally lifts.

Unfortunately, after a while of being single, most of us start to feel bad again. The fun we’ve been having starts to wear thin (in fact, it often starts to feel meaningless), and we yearn to find a soulful connection with a partner. In seeking this connection, we see that this pursuit is really hard (“why can’t I find someone amazing?!”), we head right back into heartache, pining for meaningful love.

Watch this week’s video to learn my secret for prolonging the “fun” period of being single and delaying the return of heartache.