Since I published that post, I’ve had so many people reach out to me saying that: a) it was just what they needed to hear during this difficult time period we’re going through, and b) that they’d love more insight into the benefits of prioritizing their needs in order to be a better friend, parent, spouse, leader, and more.

Through reading your messages, it became clear to me that advocating for one’s own needs can be really hard for some. I get that! And at the same time, I can’t help but restate that it’s so important that you fill your own cup first so that you are even able to have something to offer to your beloveds.

To inspire and help you with this, here are three reasons why you want to focus on taking care of yourself first.

1. If you burn out, you won’t have the energy to enjoy activities you normally would.

   When you’re exhausted, your level of serotonin and other “happy hormones” decreases, meaning all the simple things you normally enjoy, like having drinks with friends or playing with your kiddies, are not only less enjoyable but can result in frustration, irritation, or even aggression. It takes time to replenish these happy hormones, and feeling tired is your body’s way of telling you that you need a break to top them up!

2. Your health depends on it!

   Our bodies and minds are connected. When you don’t carve out time for personal care, your body can go into stress or survival mode, meaning your cortisol level will rise, creating even more stress (a vicious cycle, really). To add to that, stress on your nervous system and lack of sleep can affect your immune system, meaning you’re more vulnerable to illness. Now more than ever, you must take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health!

3. Your negative energy can transfer onto others.

   Have you ever walked into a room where the air is tight, the mood is somber, and you feel uncomfortable? Recent research suggests that people feed off other people’s energy like sponges (it’s called emotional contagion). Chances are, if you’re stressed or in a bad mood, that mood is rubbing off on your loved ones. It’s important to recognize the subtle power we have in affecting someone else’s mood, and by prioritizing our own happiness, we’re likely to make others happy too.

As you can see, putting your own needs first allows you to be more energetic, prevent illness, and be happier and more available to the people you love, which in turn will allow you to perform better at your work and have more genuine, meaningful social interactions and connections — all of which are key to a happy life!

When you make time for your wants and needs, you are showing yourself the love and care your body and mind both require for you to be your most Authentic Self. The impact it will have on your life — and your loved ones — could surprise you.

The post The Importance of Putting Your Needs Before the Needs of Others Part 2 appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

After scrambling out of the office and making my way onto the streetcar, I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone. Just before I could chill out and get lost in my own world, I heard someone say, “Hi Ritu!” It was an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in years — someone I didn’t know very well at all — who was shuffling her way towards me in the crammed streetcar. I felt my stomach drop when I realized this would lead to the last thing I wanted in that moment: a conversation made up of polite social banter about work, life, and family. My body stiffened as I felt tears start to well up behind my eyes. I took a deep breath and pushed myself to hold it together in order to have a polite conversation with her.

She launched into updates on her life and chitchat that all felt so empty to me. All I wanted to do was interrupt her and tell her I didn’t have the energy to talk, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I smiled politely and nodded along until it was time for me to get off.

Weeks later, when I shared this story with my friend Debby, she asked me, “Why didn’t you just talk with her for a few minutes, thank her for the chat, and then tell her that you had to get back to responding to some messages before you got off the streetcar?” I didn’t even know how to answer that. It never occurred to me to speak up in order to keep some precious time for myself, no matter how much I needed and craved it.

Between work, social demands, and personal care, we’re often pulled in different directions, resulting in exhaustion. And now that many of us are working, socializing, and spending a lot of time at home, it can feel impossible to say no to requests for our time and attention from friends, family, and colleagues.

We know it’s important to carve out time for ourselves, but how do we put our own self-care needs before others’ demands for our time? And more importantly, how do we communicate this to them without coming across as rude or selfish (especially when they know that we have nowhere else to be)?

Looking back, I’ve had a lot of time to think about what Debby had asked me, and I’ve had a few realizations about why I didn’t tell this person that I didn’t want to make social banter any longer: it wasn’t just that I was worried about coming across as rude, it was largely due to fear — fear of not being liked, of offending her, and of being judged. I also felt this anxiety acutely because of the stigma in our society about being permanently attached to our electronic devices and not being present enough in the world to have one-on-one conversations.

But here’s the thing: living life authentically and engaging in any kind of meaningful interaction requires us to be fully present, which we can’t do well when we’re feeling burnt out. Sometimes we must do what is best for us and put our needs before someone else’s — even if it means being on our phones as a social release (which, by the way, was exactly what I needed to decompress from my long day).

Since this incident, I have been doing a better job of advocating for my needs. What I’ve learned through this process is that it’s not only important to understand what you need, but also how to express it. If you need a little help with finding the right words, I find scripting responses and practicing them in my head helps with knowing what to say at the right time. You don’t have to be abrupt; be polite, explain your situation, but keep it short — you don’t owe the other person an explanation every time!

And remember, for the time that you are there and engaging with this person, ensure that you’re present for the conversation so it’s meaningful and authentic, and you’ll both leave the exchange feeling good.

So the next time someone demands time you simply cannot afford to give, what will you say to them? How will you advocate for your self-care needs?

The post The Importance of Putting Your Needs Before the Needs of Others appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.