You get the picture! In these moments, if you’re like most people, you’ll likely start to feel the stress surge through your body, coupled with a deep sense of impatience. And once the impatience kicks in, it can take over and cause some pretty crappy behavior.

I know all about this! I can be very impatient at times, and it’s usually about silly, small things — like when I’m rushing from meeting to meeting and the person walking in front of me is slow or when I’m standing in line waiting for a food order. I’ve noticed that I can be particularly impatient when I’m traveling, especially when I’m tight for time. I can get really irritable and, although I hate to admit this, I might even be snippy sometimes to the service people I’m interacting with.

Argh, I know this isn’t great! And this is exactly why I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, why I’m working to change my behavior, and why I’m writing about it now.

We all know that being impatient doesn’t serve us or the people around us (especially if we’re being rude). In fact, being impatient only further exacerbates our stress levels, which feeds into harming our mental and physical health. When we’re calm, we make better choices. And you know that I’m all about making better choices in life!

So how do you work on being more patient so this can help bring your stress levels down? I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned.

Impatience is About Control 

First, it’s important to understand why you can sometimes be impatient, particularly in stressful situations. Impatience is often about control or, more specifically, about needing to be in control of situations and outcomes. In other words, impatience is a manifestation of frustration when you can’t control a situation. 

This mainly happens because you want to feel safe. It’s a natural tendency to try to control circumstances when you feel like you’re in danger, in order to rationalize your behavior, actions, and more. For example, I sometimes will micro-manage Uber drivers in an attempt to get to my destination more quickly, even though it’s my fault that I’m running late in the first place. But here’s a key life lesson I’m learning: we can’t govern every situation or outcome — it’s simply not possible!

Take a Pause 

You may have heard me talk about the power of the pause (and if you haven’t, check out this video on how taking a pause can transform the way you communicate!). Taking a moment to pause is one of the best things you can do for yourself when you’re feeling activated!  

Pausing will push you to slow down and bring yourself into the moment, which is critical for helping you to better track what you’re thinking. When you do this, you’ll be able to acknowledge that you’re annoyed at what’s happening around you and recognize that you’re being impatient — acknowledging this then helps you consciously change your behavior.

Tune Into Your Body 

When I feel waves of impatience and stress come over me, I do my best to tune into what my body is telling me. The body is a guidepost to how we’re reacting or feeling about a situation, especially if we are living in an embodied state. By living in an embodied state, we can better feel the sensations in our bodies which will help us to better settle and calm ourselves during feelings of impatience, stress and more.  

Whenever you hear the voice in your head start to rage because of impatience, you’ll want to immediately tune into where it’s physically showing up for you. Why? Because if you can calm your body, it’ll help you to calm your mind. 

For example, when I hear messages in my head saying, “Why is this taking so long?” I pay attention to what’s happening in my body. In those moments, I’ll often feel my shoulders tense up, my face gets hot, and I feel this heaviness on my chest. I will then either take deep breaths, sending energy to those regions of my body, or I’ll do some stretches right then and there to release the tension.  

Essentially, by tuning into what’s happening in your body, you can bring yourself into a more grounded state, and then have a more thoughtful response and reaction to a stressful situation.

Use Self-Coaching to Release the Stress You’re Feeling 

Self-coaching is an amazing strategy that you can use in moments when you need assurance or a pep-talk. You simply tell yourself the kind, compassionate, and reassuring things a beloved would share with you. For example, in moments of great impatience and stress, I will tell myself, “You’re safe. You’re not going to be late.” It can be extremely useful to plan these words of affirmation in advance so that they’ll be ready for you in stressful moments.  

The beauty of self-coaching is that you can do it anywhere and at any time and, with practice, it’s easy to improve at. It’s a great tool for building your confidence and overcoming your fears because it’s all about taking your power back! 

These stress management strategies can be really helpful when you’re feeling impatient! Not only will they help you feel less activated in stressful moments, but you’ll also be more conscious of being kinder to the people around you. 

So the next time you find yourself feeling stressed or impatient, what will you do to manage that moment? What will you do to tune into your body? What are the words you will use to coach yourself to better manage your moment of stress and be more patient? 

Remember that life is so much better when we feel less stressed and impatient. 

The post How to Be More Patient, Even When You’re Stressed appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

To say that the last year has been challenging for those of us who care about social justice and anti-racism would be an understatement. Despite all of our efforts to drive change and be the revolution, this is a long-term battle — our fight to disrupt white supremacy will take much continued work.

As someone who is committed to interrupting racism and speaks about diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) for a living, I can tell you firsthand that while the work is extremely rewarding, it can also be emotionally taxing and, frankly, exhausting.

In these moments, I’ve found that it’s so important to remind myself of the importance of self-care — and that self-care is social justice.

What do I mean by this? In this video, I share why I believe that in order to show up and truly dismantle systems of oppression, we need to be at our best mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Watch now!

The post Self-Care is Social Justice appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Since I published that post, I’ve had so many people reach out to me saying that: a) it was just what they needed to hear during this difficult time period we’re going through, and b) that they’d love more insight into the benefits of prioritizing their needs in order to be a better friend, parent, spouse, leader, and more.

Through reading your messages, it became clear to me that advocating for one’s own needs can be really hard for some. I get that! And at the same time, I can’t help but restate that it’s so important that you fill your own cup first so that you are even able to have something to offer to your beloveds.

To inspire and help you with this, here are three reasons why you want to focus on taking care of yourself first.

1. If you burn out, you won’t have the energy to enjoy activities you normally would.

   When you’re exhausted, your level of serotonin and other “happy hormones” decreases, meaning all the simple things you normally enjoy, like having drinks with friends or playing with your kiddies, are not only less enjoyable but can result in frustration, irritation, or even aggression. It takes time to replenish these happy hormones, and feeling tired is your body’s way of telling you that you need a break to top them up!

2. Your health depends on it!

   Our bodies and minds are connected. When you don’t carve out time for personal care, your body can go into stress or survival mode, meaning your cortisol level will rise, creating even more stress (a vicious cycle, really). To add to that, stress on your nervous system and lack of sleep can affect your immune system, meaning you’re more vulnerable to illness. Now more than ever, you must take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health!

3. Your negative energy can transfer onto others.

   Have you ever walked into a room where the air is tight, the mood is somber, and you feel uncomfortable? Recent research suggests that people feed off other people’s energy like sponges (it’s called emotional contagion). Chances are, if you’re stressed or in a bad mood, that mood is rubbing off on your loved ones. It’s important to recognize the subtle power we have in affecting someone else’s mood, and by prioritizing our own happiness, we’re likely to make others happy too.

As you can see, putting your own needs first allows you to be more energetic, prevent illness, and be happier and more available to the people you love, which in turn will allow you to perform better at your work and have more genuine, meaningful social interactions and connections — all of which are key to a happy life!

When you make time for your wants and needs, you are showing yourself the love and care your body and mind both require for you to be your most Authentic Self. The impact it will have on your life — and your loved ones — could surprise you.

The post The Importance of Putting Your Needs Before the Needs of Others Part 2 appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

We’re living through a really difficult time. Not only are we still adjusting to the dramatic lifestyle changes brought on by COVID-19, we’re also in the midst of a social crisis that has shone a glaring spotlight on the racial injustices experienced by Black communities on a daily basis.

So many of us are feeling completely overwhelmed by feelings of tension, stress, anxiety, pain, and more, to the point that even managing our self-care practices has become a struggle. In these moments, it can be tempting to throw yourself a never-ending pity party, but there is a way to overcome these difficult feelings and emotions to feel calmer and more centered.

So what is it? In this video, I share this must-do behavior that will help you fight stress and feel calmer and more grounded, during even the most difficult and stressful times.

Watch now!

The post A Must Do for Getting Through this Difficult Time appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

After scrambling out of the office and making my way onto the streetcar, I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone. Just before I could chill out and get lost in my own world, I heard someone say, “Hi Ritu!” It was an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in years — someone I didn’t know very well at all — who was shuffling her way towards me in the crammed streetcar. I felt my stomach drop when I realized this would lead to the last thing I wanted in that moment: a conversation made up of polite social banter about work, life, and family. My body stiffened as I felt tears start to well up behind my eyes. I took a deep breath and pushed myself to hold it together in order to have a polite conversation with her.

She launched into updates on her life and chitchat that all felt so empty to me. All I wanted to do was interrupt her and tell her I didn’t have the energy to talk, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I smiled politely and nodded along until it was time for me to get off.

Weeks later, when I shared this story with my friend Debby, she asked me, “Why didn’t you just talk with her for a few minutes, thank her for the chat, and then tell her that you had to get back to responding to some messages before you got off the streetcar?” I didn’t even know how to answer that. It never occurred to me to speak up in order to keep some precious time for myself, no matter how much I needed and craved it.

Between work, social demands, and personal care, we’re often pulled in different directions, resulting in exhaustion. And now that many of us are working, socializing, and spending a lot of time at home, it can feel impossible to say no to requests for our time and attention from friends, family, and colleagues.

We know it’s important to carve out time for ourselves, but how do we put our own self-care needs before others’ demands for our time? And more importantly, how do we communicate this to them without coming across as rude or selfish (especially when they know that we have nowhere else to be)?

Looking back, I’ve had a lot of time to think about what Debby had asked me, and I’ve had a few realizations about why I didn’t tell this person that I didn’t want to make social banter any longer: it wasn’t just that I was worried about coming across as rude, it was largely due to fear — fear of not being liked, of offending her, and of being judged. I also felt this anxiety acutely because of the stigma in our society about being permanently attached to our electronic devices and not being present enough in the world to have one-on-one conversations.

But here’s the thing: living life authentically and engaging in any kind of meaningful interaction requires us to be fully present, which we can’t do well when we’re feeling burnt out. Sometimes we must do what is best for us and put our needs before someone else’s — even if it means being on our phones as a social release (which, by the way, was exactly what I needed to decompress from my long day).

Since this incident, I have been doing a better job of advocating for my needs. What I’ve learned through this process is that it’s not only important to understand what you need, but also how to express it. If you need a little help with finding the right words, I find scripting responses and practicing them in my head helps with knowing what to say at the right time. You don’t have to be abrupt; be polite, explain your situation, but keep it short — you don’t owe the other person an explanation every time!

And remember, for the time that you are there and engaging with this person, ensure that you’re present for the conversation so it’s meaningful and authentic, and you’ll both leave the exchange feeling good.

So the next time someone demands time you simply cannot afford to give, what will you say to them? How will you advocate for your self-care needs?

The post The Importance of Putting Your Needs Before the Needs of Others appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

In our new world of COVID-19 and physical distancing, I’ve been spending a lot of time on social media, and I’m sure that many of you are too. I’m inspired by those who are using social media as part of their mission to help people live better (thank you Nedra Tawwab and The Conscious Kid!), I’ve also noticed that among the overwhelming amount of content available, there’s a ton of meaningless content.

When I say meaningless content, I mean the kind of content that, even in the face of our global crisis and the trauma that so many of us are experiencing, celebrates materialism, sexually objectifies women, and reinforces unrealistic ways of being (some of us are really hurting and don’t want to take up a new hobby/learn a language/become a fitness queen right now!!). Even now in a world that has changed so much in such a short time, meaningless content feels like it’s getting far more engagement than content containing positive, substantive messages.

Before you start saying I sound like the morality police, I want to say that there is nothing wrong with caring about how you look, embracing your sexuality, or having fun. But it’s important to recognize that we have the choice not to reinforce oppression, and that we can be a part of making the world a healthier place to be — and in the process, make our lives more fulfilling.

In this video, I talk about how to consume social media in a healthy way and why what we consume matters.

Watch now!

The post How to Consume Social Media in a Healthy Way appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

As someone who has had her heart broken more than most (I know, I know, hard to believe!), and who has spent a lot of time solo feeling heartbroken, I have a theory about what happens to us when we’re going through heartbreak. I call it the “Bookend Theory of Heartache”.

I came up with this theory after noticing a pattern of what was happening to me as I was dealing with feeling unhappy in a relationship and then again while being single. It hit me that there’s a heartache cycle that I was moving through. The key to surviving the cycle requires us to see the pattern and then address it!

So in this video I share what the key is for dealing with heartbreak and finding your sweet spot of joy along the way.

Watch now!

The post How to Get Over Heartbreak appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

But instead of making me feel better, social media made me feel so much worse.

Firstly, I was overwhelmed by the incredible amount of information I was taking in in a short period of time, and it made me feel panicky. (I caught myself at one point worrying that I needed to learn everything under the sun about cryptocurrencies — until I came to my senses and realized no, I don’t!) I was falling down informational rabbit holes left, right, and center — and emerging more frazzled than I was before I picked up my phone.

I also found that I was comparing myself to the people on my feed. This happens to a lot of us. We look compulsively at the curated images that others post online, and it makes us feel bad about ourselves. Why is everyone else so happy and content with their lives? Why doesn’t anything bad happen to anyone else? (To be fair, I’m not posting pictures of myself when I’m sobbing on the floor with tears and snot everywhere, so why should I expect others to?!)

These are the traps that social media sets for us — and too many of us fall for it.

But there is a way to use social media consciously that maximizes the positives and minimizes the negatives. With a bit of intention, we can create a social media ecosystem that works for us, not against us.

Be Selective

The best starting place for cleaning up your social media world is to curtail who you follow. It can be overwhelming to follow too many people on any given platform — I think of it as more noise to cut through to get to the good stuff. It’s also not healthy to be following people who make you feel bad. Remember, you are in control of who you follow, and you’re free to be ruthless!

Start by doing an audit of who you’re following, and unfollow, unlike, or unfriend people, companies, and media outlets that make you feel bad. (And if it’s a friend or colleague you feel awkward about deleting, most platforms have a private unfollow or mute function that makes this easier).

As you’re doing this, consider your values. Social media may seem trivial, but it’s actually not! It contributes to both economic power and social influence. Are the people, companies, and causes you follow on social media in alignment with what you believe in and how you want to live in the world? If not, say goodbye.

At this point in my life, I refuse to follow, click, like, consume, or engage with anyone or anything that doesn’t align with my values. Doing so doesn’t contribute to my happiness, and it doesn’t help create the world I want to live in.

You might have to use social media consciously for a while to clock what is making you feel bad and what is making you feel good. This can be an ongoing process. For example, I follow several fashion accounts on Instagram. Fashion is a fun hobby for me, but sometimes I find myself feeling uncomfortable about the sexual objectification of women that’s present in the industry. So if an account makes me feel “icky” more than once, I click unfollow immediately.

Sometimes I’ll automatically unfollow an account as soon as I see a post that I find offensive. Other times, I’ll say to myself, “Sometimes I don’t love what’s happening on this feed, but I’m going to check in on how I feel about their next few posts,” and then I take my time to decide whether I want to keep following them.

Limit Yourself

In the name of reducing the noise, I also limit the number of people I follow and friend. This keeps me vigilant about the kinds of content I’m paying attention to. It also generates a manageable number of posts to digest and helps me to avoid information overload. Find the number that works for you and stick to it.

Limiting the number of accounts you follow has other benefits too — it’ll force you to decide if you really need to be seeing posts from old colleagues or college roommates who you only knew for a minute, but whose children and pets dominate your feed.

Similarly, limiting the number of platforms you engage with can be helpful. Twitter is great for engaging with political issues, LinkedIn is great for building professional relationships, and Instagram is great for connecting with people who share your interests and values. Which of these uses best serves you right now? Be intentional about where you’re putting your time and attention. (You may decide you don’t need to figure out Snapchat after all!)

Limiting the amount of time you spend on social media can also help to keep you in check. If you want to know exactly how much time you’re spending on social media, you can download an app that will track your daily and weekly screen time. You might be surprised at just how many hours a week you’re scrolling through Tweets!

Seek Out What Inspires You

If you have an interest, passion, hobby, or cause that you really care about, chances are you can find limitless ways to engage with it on social media. Don’t just let the content come to you — take some time to actively seek out accounts that connect with your values and your interests.

For example, I love the poet Rumi, and there are a ton of accounts that post his quotes daily. Sometimes when I’m in need of a boost, I’ll look for them. I also love to see them pop up on my feed, which may not happen if I didn’t actively seek them out.

Another powerful factor here is the algorithm. When you’re more deliberate about the kind of content you follow and engage with, a platform’s algorithm is likely to catch on to what you want to be seeing. This means you’ll be served up the kind of stuff you actually like more often. Essentially, what you click on, like, share, and comment on influences what you end up seeing when you log in.

This is the main reason that I enjoy Facebook — the algorithm has caught on to the fact that I’m a Brown feminist activist who wants to interrupt white supremacy, and so my feed reads like a social justice rally. Being on this platform fills me up, because it’s showing me content that’s near to my heart.

As social media weaves its way deeper into the fabric of our minds and our lives, it’s important for each of us to learn healthy habits that will work for us.

But don’t forget the real world! Sometimes what you really need to pick you up is to go for a walk or call a friend. Just remember — you’re in control!

The post Use Social Media to Inspire You (And Not Bring You Down) appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.