I love being a Woman of Color! I’m so fiercely proud of my identity as a Punjabi, Sikh Brown girl! That being said, I’d also be the first to tell you that life can feel very hard when you consistently face racism and other forms of oppression.

As someone who has dedicated her life to social justice and disrupting racism, I’ve had a lot of white people ask me, “What does it feel like to experience racism?” So in this #ShineWithRitu video, I share how racism feels for me, as well as some helpful tips I use to settle my system, feel better, and take care of myself when the sting of racism particularly hurts.

Watch now!

For more videos on how to stand in your power as a Person of Color – and how to be a better ally as a white person – check out these playlists:
• Stand In Your Power
• Be Socially Conscious

The post This is How It Feels to Experience Racism appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Growing up, I often struggled with feeling like I belonged. One of the main reasons for this is that I felt like I had to pick one cultural identity and I wasn’t sure which one to choose. At school, I endured relentless racist bullying and so I didn’t feel particularly Canadian, but then I also struggled with many aspects of Indian culture.

It took me years to land on how to describe who I am culturally, and I learned some important lessons along the way!

In this #ShineWithRitu video, I share both how I’ve come to see myself culturally and why it’s important to move away from a binary way of thinking about our identities, all so that we can experience true belonging.

Watch now!

Learn more about living authentically with the Three Selves Framework here.

Download the first chapter of my book The Authenticity Principle to learn more.

The post It Can Be a Struggle to Understand Your Cultural Identity appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

The holiday season is upon us, and for many people that means spending time with extended family for the first time in a very long time.

While the holidays can be difficult to manage even without the added stress of pandemic traveling, busy work schedules, and coordinating plans, this year’s holiday tensions could be even higher — especially if you’re someone who has family members that openly share their racist remarks, jokes, and views.

If you’re in this situation, it might be tempting to forgo the holidays altogether. But as an anti-racism educator and social justice activist who has personally been in similar situations, I can tell you that it’s so important to call out these types of behavior, especially with family members.

In this video, I share four strategies for dealing with racist family members and why it’s so important to have difficult conversations about racism with our loved ones.

Watch now!

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Fear can grip us in many ways. It causes us to self-censor, to push down our authenticity, to hesitate in reaching for opportunities, and more. Speaking from personal experience, fear can have a powerful impact on how we behave, but the good news is that these moments of fear are perfect opportunities to practice the power of self-coaching.

Self-coaching is the practice of pre-selecting words of affirmation, encouragement, and guidance that you can tell yourself when the gremlin in your head wants you to hold back. It’s a form of mental rehearsal, which we know is a clinically proven strategy for reducing stress. Essentially, it’s a strategic way of giving yourself a pep talk when you need it most.

Self-coaching is a great tool for building your confidence and overcoming your fears, because it’s all about taking your power back. You don’t need to rely on anyone or anything else to support you — you have all the tools you need to help yourself!

Here are three ways you can get started with self-coaching.

Start with Mindfulness

As with many (if not all!) other forms of self-work, mindfulness is essential for knowing when to self-coach. Mindfulness is the practice of tuning into the present moment to gain awareness of what you’re thinking, feeling, and sensing — all in a non-judgmental way.

When we experience moments of fear or panic, our nervous system is activated, and we enter into a fight, flight, or freeze response. When this happens, the physical symptoms of stress can impair aspects of our cognition and decision-making. By practicing mindfulness, we can slow down, hear what’s happening in our mind, and be in greater control of how we speak and behave.

After practicing mindful awareness of your thoughts for a while, you’ll have a better idea of the kinds of situations in which you’re likely to experience negative narratives. It’s in those situations that you’ll want to have self-coaching on standby.

Then, whether your fear is caused by a negative narrative you’ve internalized (“You’re not good enough”), a self-limiting belief that you hold about yourself (“I can’t do this”), or feeling pressure to behave like someone you’re not (“Don’t show your true feelings”), self-coaching can help you to behave or speak in a way that will serve you better and is in alignment with your Authentic Self.

Use Mantras and Affirmations

A mantra or positive affirmation is a statement of reinforcement that you can use strategically to keep you grounded, rooted, and calm during moments of stress. You can choose something simple to practice and call upon when you need it most. For example, during tough moments I use the mantra “I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m great, I’m great.”

You can also use mantras or affirmations during vulnerable moments. For example, the first time I said “I love you” to my partner, self-coaching really helped me! Firstly, I was terrified, because one of my own negative narratives is a fear of being unlovable. Secondly, when the moment arrived and I knew I had to tell him, my body was telling me to run far, far away (which I clocked using mindfulness)! Eventually, I called on the power of self-coaching to push through the nerves, and using the mantra, “I am love, I can do this!” to encourage myself, I was able to push through and express my true feelings. And I can tell you, it was a very rewarding feeling.

You don’t have to use these exact affirmations, and in fact, I encourage you to come up with your own! Choose something unique to you that will help make you feel more grounded during moments of fear or stress.

Challenge Your Negative Narratives

When it comes to challenging negative narratives and long-held fears, sometimes a positive statement isn’t enough. In these cases, it’s important to focus on giving yourself concrete evidence of the positive truth you want to be thinking instead.

For example, if you suffer from impostor syndrome (like I occasionally do when I present to audiences), your negative narrative might sound something like, “I can’t believe I’m up on a stage in front of 500 people right now. What if they think I’m stupid?” This negative narrative is hard to overcome with a simple, “You got this, girl!”

It can be more powerful to take stock of your accomplishments and use them as evidence to unlearn your negative narratives and instead start to internalize a positive truth about yourself. In the example above, I would beef up a positive, encouraging thought by adding evidence of my worthiness, for example: “I am qualified to be on this stage. I have presented over 1,000 times in my career. I’ve got this!”

Sometimes this kind of reality check is what we need to ground us and make us feel stronger, and the more often we do it, the more powerful and worthy we feel! It may not come naturally to you at first, but by practicing this essential self-coaching tool, soon you’ll learn to recognize the negative thought patterns that are fueling your fears and have the tools at your disposal to quickly disrupt them.

Feeling confident and self-assured in the face of our fears is something that everyone struggles with, but these techniques will help you to self-coach the next time the gremlin in your head makes an appearance. By practicing mindfulness, using personal affirmations and mantras, and focusing on positive truths, you’ll soon find that your fears are encouraging you instead of holding you back.

The post Overcome Your Fears with the Power of Self-Coaching appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Our names are so important. Names are a huge part of our identity, a reflection of our cultural backgrounds, and more. Speaking from my own experience, having your name mispronounced repeatedly feels really awkward and alienating — you start to feel like you’re the “other” or an outsider.

But correcting people when they mispronounce your name can also feel awkward and difficult, especially as a person of color, when you’re already consistently on the receiving end of biases related to your cultural background.

In this video, I share how to get people to pronounce your name correctly if you have a “hard-to-pronounce” name, based on my own experiences with people mispronouncing my name.

Watch now!

The post How to Get People to Pronounce Your Name Correctly appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

When I was a little girl, I was one of a few kids of color in my very white, homogenous neighborhood, which meant that with my brown skin, long black braids, and hard-to-pronounce name, I stuck out a lot. And when you’re a kid, being different can often draw attention — and not the positive kind.

For many years, I was the target of racist childhood bullying, and these experiences ultimately caused me to hide my Authentic Self, reject my cultural heritage, and struggle with low self-esteem as a young adult.

I’m so grateful to say that I’m forward from these dark experiences and I finally feel beautiful in my skin — both inside and out.

In this video, I share what helped me heal from my childhood experiences with racist bullying and how I learned to embrace my Brownness and stand in my power as a woman of color.

Watch now!

The post How I Overcame Racist Childhood Bullying appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

As a woman of color, I’m no stranger to dealing with racial micro-aggressions on an almost daily basis, from people pronouncing my name incorrectly to people touching my hair uninvited.

All of these behaviors are problematic and upsetting — and manifestations of white supremacy — but one of the micro-aggressions that really gets to me is when someone asks me, “Where are you from?” followed by, “No, where are you really from?”

I have been asked variations of this question more times than I can count, and after a while it starts to feel like the people asking this are actually saying, “You aren’t from here, and you don’t belong here because you’re not white.”

Being asked this repeatedly can be incredibly hurtful for people of color, but there are ways you can respond that will leave you feeling empowered.

In this video, I share three ways you can respond to questions about where you’re “really” from and some tips for people who want to ask about another person’s culture in an inclusive — and not racist — way.

Watch now!

The post What to do When People Keep Asking Where You’re *Really* From appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Impostor syndrome was first defined by psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Dr. Suzanne A. Imes in their 1978 study as an “internal experience of intellectual phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.” In other words, those who have impostor syndrome possess a pervasive feeling of doubt and inadequacy. They believe they are where they are because of luck (which you’ll recall I don’t believe in) or chance, and not because of their own talent, qualifications, or hard work. If you have impostor syndrome you may fear that others might discover your lack of ability and that you’ll be exposed as a “fraud.”

If you do often feel this way, rest assured that you are not alone. In fact, impostor syndrome is an extremely common psychological phenomenon that approximately 70 percent of people experience at some point in their lives. (If you’re unsure whether you suffer from impostor syndrome, I recommend you do the assessment designed by Dr. Clance to help determine if you possess the common traits and to what extent.)

As I discuss in my book, The Authenticity Principle, so many of us are racked with negative narratives that reflect insecurities and fears, despite the many wins and successes we may have achieved. Everyone at one time or another can get caught up in this negative loop of self-doubt, which we often mask in order to appear stronger in the hope that our vulnerabilities will not be seen and we won’t be discovered as a fake.

While impostor syndrome can affect anyone, researchers believe that it is more prevalent among People of Color, women, and people from other diverse communities because of the link between experiencing discrimination and feeling inadequate. Dr. Valerie Young, an expert on impostor syndrome, explains that even though there is no definitive reason why impostor syndrome exists, there are multiple external factors, such as a person’s environment or institutionalized discrimination, that can contribute to them feeling like a fraud.

In addition to direct experiences with oppression, with the lack of representation of People of Color, women, and other diverse professionals as leaders in society and in mainstream media, it’s no wonder that so many of us experience inhibiting feelings of unworthiness and a sense of not belonging.

So the big question is, how do you deal with impostor syndrome and learn to not disregard your own experiences and credibility? The good news is that there are ways to address it.

Here are 4 practical tips for overcoming impostor syndrome and the negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs that come with it.

1.     Acknowledge and Challenge the Negative Thoughts

Most of the time, when we feel like a fraud, it’s usually in relation to our idea of perfection. But it’s important to remember that perfection does not actually exist. Experiencing setbacks or failing is a difficult but normal part of life that needs to be embraced for the important lessons we can learn in the process. Simply by observing and acknowledging our limitations and the ensuing negative thoughts we have about our abilities, we can put them into perspective and question where they come from and whether they hinder or help us. Being aware of our self-doubt also allows us to be critical of it and to replace our negative self-talk with positive narratives.

2.     Use Mantras and Positive Truths

Crafting positive affirmations will help you to reinforce and remind yourself that you have achieved your successes because of the efforts you’ve put in. Whenever I doubt myself, my mantra is, “I am great. I am loved. I am worthy.” I use this affirmation in combination with positive truths: facts that help to reinforce these feelings and perceptions of ability. For example, if I am presenting in front of a big crowd and my negative narrative starts to show up, I beef up my mantra by adding evidence of my worthiness like, “I am qualified to be on this stage. I know this gig better than most! I’ve got this.” This not only helps boost my confidence but also energizes me!

3.     Write Down Your Accomplishments

Collect your wins! Keep a list of positive feedback, compliments, and nice things people have said about you and your work in a notebook and pull it out when the feelings of being an impostor start to overwhelm you. This is an easy but extremely helpful way to remind yourself of all the hard work you have put in to accomplish your goals.

4.     Find Support in Your Network

If you feel like a pretender sometimes, you are not alone. Many people suffer from impostor syndrome, from our peers to our leaders — and even high-powered and hugely successful famous people like Maya Angelou and Tina Fey, who have both openly admitted to feeling like frauds. Recognizing that impostor syndrome is a widespread experience can help us overcome our negative worries, and sharing is where this magic happens. By opening the dialogue for conversation and sharing our experiences with one another, we can build meaningful, supportive relationships that help to lift us up and reinforce positive feelings about ourselves. One way to do this is to find a safe space by joining affinity groups, online forums, or even interest groups on social media — and of course, you can lean on your clouds when you need a boost of confidence and assurance.

The next time you’re confronted with negative self-talk or self-limiting beliefs that make you question your ability or accomplishments, don’t brush them aside. I invite you to do some work to explore and challenge them. Ask yourself: Is this true? What is a positive, more accurate narrative that I can tell myself?

Overcoming your imposter syndrome will allow you to find happiness, cultivate self-confidence, learn to celebrate and own your achievements, and start thriving.

The post Do You Often Feel Like a Fraud and Question Your Successes? You May Be Experiencing Impostor Syndrome appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

When I was in my twenties, my parents told me that they had set aside a sum of money to help me pay for my wedding one day. Their generosity was touching, and I felt so grateful. But the problem was that I wasn’t ready to get married at the time. And so I didn’t want to use the money for a wedding, I wanted to use it for something else.

By my mid-twenties, I had graduated from law school, and I was beginning to feel society’s pressure to settle down — to find a partner, get married, and start a family — but I was nowhere near ready to do that.

Instead I asked my parents if I could spend the money they had saved for my wedding on something else that felt far more important to me. They didn’t love the idea at first, but after some back and forth, they eventually agreed.

In this video, I talk about the feminist move I made with the money that my parents set aside for my wedding — and why I encourage you to prioritize these types of decisions too.

Lastly, I wanted to mention, while I think that weddings are important, the pressure that women feel to find someone and plan a wedding can be so intense that we forget to prioritize other aspects of our lives that are just as important. I am so thankful that my parents could see this too.

Watch now!

The post The Feminist Move I Made With The Money My Parents Set Aside For My Wedding appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Do you know how to say my name in the correct Indian pronunciation? I ask this because I can’t tell you how hard it is for most people to say my name correctly!

From a young age, people consistently got my name wrong. Even though my name is common in India, where my parents immigrated from, in Canada my name is quite unique, and for years it was a constant source of teasing and bullying. Eventually I gave up on having people pronounce my name correctly and just went by “Ree-too”. I started to hate my name.

This is a common experience for so many people who have “hard to pronounce” names. Many of us will change the pronunciation of our names or even legally change our names to more Anglo (i.e. white) sounding names (I personally wanted to change my name to Carice for a while…) just to avoid having to constantly hear our names mispronounced.

The pressure I felt — and which I know many other people feel — to have an Anglicized (“white”) name is tied back to white supremacy and is a manifestation of the racism and racial bias that people of color have internalized for generations.

In this video, I share why our names are so important and talk about why we should reclaim our names as a key part of both interrupting white supremacy and living as our authentic selves.

Watch now!

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