I was reminded of the sometimes-negative impact of choosing to live more authentically recently while on Instagram (as you may know, I love posting stories on IG! I follow Jas Kaur, a fab Punjabi fitness trainer from Australia, who has been talking very openly on IG about her journey to be more authentic. And, in doing so, she’s been receiving a range of negative backlash from her online community and from some people in her personal life. She’s also been very open about this negativity and how she’s overcoming it, which is so refreshing. I’m inspired by her authenticity!

As you can see, when you decide to start living more authentically, some may hate on your decision to better know, embrace and be who you are. Even though you’re making these behavioral shifts to live better and to be happier, some may have an adverse reaction to your life changes. The unfortunate part is that this may cause you to question your choice to be more of who you are. 

Why Do People Hate on Our Authenticity?

There are two main reasons why people may have a hard time when you start to be more authentic. 

First, when you start to reveal more of who you are in your interactions, it’ll be a wake-up call for others if they’re not already living this way. They will feel your increased vulnerability and openheartedness, and they’ll be reminded that they want to live more authentically. But, due to fear, they’re holding back. And so, instead of doing the hard work to be more of who they really are, they push down their own desires and your authenticity. Basically, they want you to stop living this way because you’re reminding them that they’re not choosing to make critical life changes.

On a related note, living more authentically will lead you to feel more liberated, to radiate more confidence, and be happier! And while that’s amazing for you, others may be threatened by your radiance and happiness, rather than feel joy for you.  Instead, their envy or resentment may cause them to want to judge you. Or, perhaps even worse, they hold the mistaken belief that by tearing you down, they’ll feel better about their lives and choices they’ve made. But, as I’ve said before, tearing others down will never bring you true happiness.

You Then Feel Racked With Self-Doubt

When you feel like you’re being judged, it’s natural to doubt your decision to take steps to live more authentically. The negative energy you feel may lead you to question whether your new way of life is right for you. You’ll hear the gremlin – the voice in your head that spews negative self-talk – tell you that the haters are right, that you shouldn’t be courageous and bold in putting yourself out there. 

Ultimately, you may even want to go back to your old ways of conforming and masking who you are, because it feels easier. Which is why this is the time to stand in your power!

Shut Out The Noise!

This is a perfect time to reflect on how conforming and masking your true self led you to be miserable, and why your new way of living is critical for your happiness. You want to remind yourself of why you’ve taken the courageous step to be more vulnerable and authentic. You want a more meaningful and fulfilling life, that is filled with personal growth and genuine human connections.  

You get to decide your happiness through the choices you make, and that this choice will serve you well at the end of the day. So, basically, shut out the noise!

The post How to Overcome Negative Backlash When Living Authentically appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

One of the most powerful mindfulness lessons I learned during my time at the ashram was this too shall pass. Of course, I’d heard this popular phrase before, but in the context of mindfulness, it took on a new meaning. And now, as we navigate and adjust our lives during the current global health crisis, this phrase has taken on additional significance.

For me, the idea that this too shall pass is all about letting go of attachment to our experiences and living in the present moment — something many of us want to do, but which runs contrary to how most of us are taught to live.

Many of us go through life either living in the past or anticipating the future. We cling to moments of pleasure, hoping it will last forever, and we actively resist suffering, hoping it will end — but neither of these experiences serves us.

In fact, whether we have poured our attention into prolonging the experience of a short-lived pleasure, like getting a promotion, falling in love, or buying a fancy new house, or investing our energy into railing against negative experiences, like falling ill, losing money, or experiencing heartbreak, we allow these experiences to define who we are in some way. We fall into bad habits of thinking, “This is who I am,” or “This is my life,” or even, “I hate this,” or “I’m unlovable.”

In either scenario, we often develop a static picture of what’s happening to us and in doing so, we become stuck and forget that, inevitably, all experiences and emotions eventually pass.

Living in the Present and Anchoring to the Self

Mindfulness is about experiencing non-attachment from all moments — both the bad and the good — by observing what is happening in the present moment with non-judgmental awareness.

When we live mindfully, we are no longer at the mercy of what happens to us. We can have a range of experiences and emotions without getting hung up on them. We let all moments arise and dissipate, like clouds in a blue sky. We acknowledge and express gratitude for positive moments, and we acknowledge and express gratitude for negative moments.

Most importantly, with mindfulness we understand and experience all moments as ephemeral — knowing that this moment too shall pass.

Living mindfully allows us to remain consistently anchored to the self and to our values instead of to our experiences. This means that we can maintain perspective on our experiences of pleasure and of suffering. We still acknowledge and have a range of experiences and emotions, but we don’t anchor ourselves to them.

Instead, our inner selves become the steadfast core around which everything else moves. Picture a solid marble pillar at your core: the good moments and the bad moments swirl around the pillar, but the pillar never moves because it’s solid and unchanging. You may have moments of euphoria and moments of feeling like you can’t get out of bed, but these moments pass. And when they do, you’re still there — still strong and standing in your power.

So how do you find that steadfast core? If you want to feel anchored and connected to your true self, you’ll have to do some deep self-work to get there. You need to understand who you are, what your purpose is, what your values are, and what gives your life its meaning, all of which will help you to develop a strong connection to your inner self.

When we live anchored to ourselves instead of to our experiences, everything improves — our relationships, how we feel about ourselves, and the decisions we make. When we embrace mindfulness, we are better prepared for life’s ups and downs.

Ultimately, in letting go and knowing that this too shall pass, we can experience true freedom.

The post The Most Powerful Lesson I Learned at the Yoga Ashram appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

Being a woman can be really hard at times. We get overlooked at work. We get body shamed. We get constant unsolicited advice about our relationships — or lack thereof — and our fertility.

On top of all of this, as an Indian woman, I can affirm that it’s tough to be a woman at times because of how intensely misogyny permeates all aspects of our culture. It’s difficult for us to talk openly about this because of our fear of affirming racial biases that are directed towards our culture. But we must openly name the oppression that Indian women experience.

In other videos, I talk a lot about other challenges that we experience in Indian culture, but in this video, in particular, I address the oppression of Indian women and offer my advice on how to overcome this.

Some of this may feel really uncomfortable for you. I understand that, but if we want to be part of a world where everyone has access to experiencing freedom, joy, authenticity, empowerment, and inclusion, we must talk about this more openly.

Watch now!

The post It’s Hard to be an Indian Woman appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.

I’ve had countless women reach out to me to share their stories since the launch of my book, The Authenticity Principle. Many of these women are Indian or South Asian and feel deeply connected to the stories I share about my life and my journey learning to live authentically. A constant theme in these messages and conversations is, “How can I live more as my authentic self when I’m facing such ridiculously high expectations from my parents?”

In a nutshell, my response is this: as Indian women, if we want to be happy and fulfilled, we must stop living for our parents and start living for ourselves.

This is a tough topic, and an uncomfortable one for many of us, parents and daughters alike. But I’m going to go there. So many women, just like me, are suffering and not living their best because they are striving to meet their parents’ expectations — expectations that don’t accord with what they actually want for themselves.

If you’re one of these women, know this: there is a better life out there for you, and you deserve to live it.

Why It’s Tough to Talk About

This topic is not often addressed out in the open. South Asian cultures are group-focused and have a high commitment to “saving face.” We’re taught to care deeply about what other people think of us, and as a result, we tend to focus only on sharing the good and keep the bad hidden away. If I had a dollar for every time my parents said, “What will society think?!” I’d be rich!

This attitude can make it very difficult for us to talk about the realities of being an Indian woman and daughter — experiences with oppressive parenting, violence, abuse, mental health issues, addiction, and more. We talk a lot about the good stuff (and we should!), but when it comes to the tough stuff, we just don’t.

Another reason we may not speak truth to power about what it’s like being an Indian daughter is because of the biases we know are already coming our way from people outside our culture. We’re (rightly) afraid to talk about our experiences for fear of affirming biases that are both rooted in and byproducts of systems of white supremacy, power, and privilege — such as the bias that we’re an oppressed, marginalized group of women in a highly misogynist, backwards, and uncivilized community.

Fear of affirming these biases has made it hard for me to come forward too. But there are aspects of our culture that are oppressive — for all of us, but especially for women, and we must name them before we can overcome them. And we can do this while also applying a critically conscious lens about the impact of white supremacy and colonization on how it is that our parents learned to parent (and how their parents learned to parent, and how their parents learned to parent, and so on. i.e. The cycle of how intergenerational oppression is passed along).

Why We Live for Our Parents

Many of us are committed to fulfilling our parents’ expectations because as children, we received conditional forms of love. When we did what our parents wanted us to do, we were celebrated and received their acceptance. But when we didn’t listen to them and didn’t do what they wanted, we were reprimanded and criticized, and love was taken away. Often, these patterns continue into adulthood — and it feels awful.

Receiving conditional love from our parents, even when we know they care for us and love us deeply, can lead to a lot of woundedness, hurt, and pain about who we are, and because of this, many of us in adulthood are not living our best, most authentic lives. Instead, we’re struggling against ourselves to meet the expectations of others, hoping we will receive love and acceptance as a result.

Indian daughters feel our parents’ expectations in countless areas: the kind of work we do, who we befriend, how we speak, what we wear, who we love, who we marry, when we marry, where we live, how we parent, and more. The problem is that when we give our time and energy to meeting expectations that don’t match how we actually want to live, we give our power away. We take time and energy away from doing our own self-work. Away from discovering, embracing, and loving who we are. Away from creating the lives we really want. Away from cultivating self-love.

Most importantly, when we don’t cultivate self-love, and instead are stuck in a place of woundedness and in a life we don’t connect to, it prevents us from attracting the best love into our lives.

Learning to Live for Ourselves

So how can we break out of these entrenched patterns of seeking conditional love and reclaim our power? The greatest gift you can give yourself as an adult in this situation is unconditional self-love. This means accepting who you are and living it out as much as possible.

I struggled throughout my life with what to do with my parents’ expectations of me. It wasn’t until my thirties that I began my own journey towards unconditional self-acceptance and self-love. Now, at 42, I can finally say that I live the way I want to live. Even though it’s been hard for them, I have drawn boundaries with my parents because I wanted to live better and be happier. And I finally am.

If you’re at the beginning of this journey, start by asking yourself how you want to be living, and what your authentic self looks like. Where do you want to live? Who do you want to be friends with? How do you want to dress? Who do you want to love? When you figure out the answers to these questions, you can then work to cultivate your authenticity in bringing this to be.  And you can finally take your power back.

The post Indian Daughters, It’s Time to Stop Living for Your Parents appeared first on Ritu Bhasin.