You Shine, I Shine

We all have ambition and want to see our dreams turn into reality. But how do you feel when you see people around you reach their goals before you do? What does your inner dialogue say? Do you feel jealous? Or are you happy for them?

It’s easy to feel threatened, envious, or even resentful when we see other people succeed, because we want to be in their place — the one getting the praise or the promotion or winning the award. Others’ successes can cause us to feel inadequate or insecure with our own abilities, but this green-eyed monster needs to be squashed!

We need to recognize that celebrating the wins of others can actually inspire us and even help us to reach our own desired destinations faster. And in good news, there are ways to make this happen.

What’s Your Mindset?

Our feelings of inadequacy when it comes to the successes of others relates to having a limited view of success, tying back to what is often called a scarcity mentality. With a scarcity mentality, it’s common to think that there simply isn’t enough room for everyone to win — that there isn’t enough success to go around. This leads to the fear that we won’t get our shot, and so we don’t want to share the space of success in order to keep that coveted spot for ourselves. In addition, you may find that watching other people bask in their success reminds you of your shortcomings and the work you still have to do, which can hold you back from thriving in all aspects of your life.

The opposite of this scarcity mentality is the more positive abundance mindset, which is the belief that there is enough out there for everyone. By focusing on abundance in how you view success, you’ll see that there’s room for all of us to do well in life and that celebrating the wins of others will help you to leverage their success as motivation to drive your own accomplishments, which will allow you to thrive, develop, and grow as a person.

For example, when I first saw my fellow South Asian entrepreneur Rupi Kaur on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, I felt so energized because I could literally picture myself on that couch yucking it up with Jimmy. Seeing other brown girls shine not only makes me feel like I’m represented by winners out there — like I am part of their team, a team that I am so proud to belong to — but that if they can do it, I can do it too!

How To Make the Shift

So how can you shift your mindset from being a negative one of scarcity to a more positive one of abundance? Here are a few tips and strategies to make that happen:

• Replace your feelings of insecurity with mantras and affirmations about your worthiness and how can you succeed too – e.g. “I got this, I can do it,” and “I am worthy of greatness”. These thoughts are much more constructive and conducive to your own personal growth and development.

• Counter your feelings of jealousy by acknowledging that people have worked very hard to receive their accolades. In many instances, accomplished people (especially when those people are BIPOC, women, or from other historically oppressed communities) started out as underdogs. They might have not grown up with power or privilege, but they have shown the eff up and put in their best efforts in order to achieve their triumphs, which is something you can admire and work to emulate.

• Focus on doing healing work as a way to address your woundedness, which may be the cause of your feelings of insecurity or jealousy. Taking the time to do self-work will also help you to understand yourself better — including the core attributes that make you unique — so you can feel better about who you are and embrace the traits that make you shine!

By mindfully embracing a more positive attitude towards others, you’ll start to feel inspired by the success of others, which can elevate you and contribute significantly to your own ability to — and confidence that you will — succeed. (There is also extensive research suggesting that an optimistic, supportive outlook has a direct correlation to a healthy mind and body, if you need more convincing to embrace a positive mindset!)

So the next time you see someone win, don’t feed your self-doubt by tearing them down. Celebrate them! If they can do it, you can too. There is enough room in the universe for all of us to shine.